Typical night at our house...

Wow. Last night was one like we haven't seen in a long time...

Some days autism sneaks back in. I haven't seen this struggle for quite awhile with Nathan. He was slowly beginning to obsess about a toy. A pez dispenser of all things. He wore it out. Once it broke he wanted it to be fixed (with tape) and wasn't happy that it could not be the same as new. He rejected any substitute measures. My heart was saddened. To see him struggle like this. Confused, upset and crying out for me to "help please". Then something miraculous  happened. After an hour of autism. He went to the drawer where the retired toys are placed and put in his broken Lightening McQueen Pez dispenser. Then closed the drawer. He did it. He faced autism and took control of it. He is a strong young man. I love him dearly.

Balcony seats.

They pulled it off... Somehow the boys' teacher was able to secure a spot for me on the field trip to see Seussical Jr!

This one shows his smile.

 
He was excited. They let us take our seats before the rest of the class came because he knew where he was and didn't want to wait. The theater appreciated his passion.

This one is clearer.

The best part of the show was reliving the songs that Nicole sang when she played Jojo her junior year. What an amazing time that was.  One so very dear to my heart.  I miss her plays and musicals.  But, I have wonderful memories of watching her over and over.  Even sneaking into the matinees during school hours.
I still love listening to Alone in the Universe and Anything's Possible.  (Luckily I do have higher quality sound copies from my video camera.  I just need to get them digital!)

2009 videos...

There are some things I miss. Spontaneous language is definitely on that list. As my posts have slowed down so had my enthusiasm. I remember the first conference on autism that I attended probably 16 years ago. I have never forgotten something that mystified me at the time. That I now understand.
I listened to the speaker talk about this journey.  The one I had only just begun with my first child with autism. He said we will leave this conference with passion and strength. But, there will be times when we just need to take a break. It is impossible to keep up this pace of unstoppable parent persistence. It is okay to let ourselves cycle. That we can't go full force forever. Taking every opportunity to learn, research and apply. Our bodies and our minds need to rest. By resting we make ourselves stronger. We have had a calm and enjoyable winter. With the help of my sister we have reorganized and simplified my home. I am done taking a break!

I am feeling that feeling.

Time to jump back in with both feet. 

Not tonight, but it is coming.

Our local conversation buzzing is about the lack of churches that provide support for individuals with autism.  While it is a serious discussion here I would like to express my thankfulness for our church and the people in it.  There may not be a room set up for Nathan and I often sit in the hall with him, but he loves going to church.  So while he may not be scripturally edified he is spiritually edified.  There are a few who avoid us, but those numbers I can count on one hand.  (And it makes me smile as they try not to be too obvious.) Others flock to his side offering their hand for him to shake or placing their babies in his lap.  Nathan is drawn to the innocence of babies and seeks them out diligently each week.  Two young ladies, remembering his hugs from week to week, present themselves in front of him and wait patiently to receive.  One of this weeks many hug recipients despite not feeling her perky self let Nathan love on her in his usual fashion.  Not struggling, but allowing him to try to comfort her.

Snow Day activities!!

I mean ICE DAY activities!!!

This is how short people do board work in 

College Algebra!!

Nothing stops Brooke in her pursuit of higher education.

...and then there was the dance.

Looking beautiful Sam...

VALENTINE'S DAY!
SCORE!!!

Chase was not forgotten by his 1st grade classmates.  Unexpectedly he came home Friday with an additional bag of valentines after spending Valentine's Day with Nathan in Mrs. Lawson's class. 

Twas the night before Valentine's Day and all through the house a many cards were written...yes even by Chase.

He looked so big today!

I can't believe how time is flying by.  He has been talking more.  I keep catching him using more than one word at a time.  We were going to delve back into the neurology of his regressions, but I think we are good.  A temporary lapse.  

Time to get his brain stimulated again.

You know when your child goes to speech therapy when....

Working side by side with his Aunt Rachel, Chase was a chatter box.  His aunt took the opportunity to encourage proper speech.  He kept handing her "poons".  She tried to get him to add on the 's'.  Realizing she had to move past the casual prompting she said, "say SSS-p-oooons".  Which he replied accordingly.  And nailed it.  
Upon finishing the sss-p-oooons he started handing her the "fffff-ORRRRksssss".  No prompting needed!

Just playing is some of the best therapy.  As we are doing our not so annual organization and rotation of toys and games I am bringing out the old favorites.  The classics.  Nathan just finished a game of dominoes with Brooke.  Last night Chase and I played cards.

It started as Crazy Eights and ended as Go Fish...

I know that I have expressed how much hippotherapy means to me. Watching my sons bond with their mighty companions is amazing.  The strength I see in them reassures me they can do anything.  I know there is the obvious interactions and benefits of balance, core strengthening, mid-line crossing and so much more.  But there is also an unspoken benefit.  Maybe someday one of them will share the secret with me. 

So if I could choose someone to live vicariously through...it would be Nicole.  As I looked at her skiing pictures (which happens to be her gym class...college credit), I notice she is bantering with famous authors online.  Hmm...  Although I would skip the part about getting up at 4:00 am to go to work.  But, keep the Disney internship.

 What a gal!

Yeah!  Another Blue's Clues fan.  Those old DVDs are coming in handy.  Chase is labeling things.  So exciting to see him learning.  Children are incredible.  Their passion to learn to read and write is often unparalleled by anything else.

I quit remembering my dreams many, many years ago.  Studies say you have to wake just a bit to be able to remember them.  Well this tired mom does not stir in the middle of the night unless a child is in distress or the cat turns on the shower.  But last night was different.  The dream I had shook me to the core.  It was about Nathan.

Most of the time we live as most people do...loving, laughing and progressing.  But sometimes I remember that I have worries that are not most people's worries.  My dream was that everyone thought the other person was watching my 10 year-old son.  When I returned home no one knew where he was.  Panic ensued.  He wouldn't be out riding his bike or just lost track of time playing in the fields.  No.  We checked the neighbors pool, mobilized friends to search the 4 acres behind our home, all while having to consider he may just be in the house not responding to his name.  (I remember those days well.)

I woke before he was found.  Luckily.  While I do preach to everyone who will listen that my children are not so different than theirs.  Today between the hours of 4:00 a.m. and 5:20 a.m. I sat wide-eyed remembering that autism does bring some things to my life that I must face.  That I must be diligent.  I must protect my son(s) and teach them how to keep themselves safe.